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Boy was it cold up them thar hills, a beautiful day to be sure but de-
finitely chilly! In fact it was so cold that my brain froze up completely on
the day but luckily for Pennine's intelligentsia yon noble Nelson lad, one
Dave West to be precise, volunteered (between sobs of pain as his wallet
was given the Indian rope burn) to commit the day's daring do's to paper
for the further education and entertainment of the masses. Me? 1 was more
interested in kite flying from the top of the moor .... took me back to
my childhood it did. things haven't altered that much, I never used to get
a go with the string 'cos all the others were bigger than me. this time it was
Harry Haigh who was bigger and I still didn't get a go with the string!
Despite my better judgement I'll print Dave's offering in full and not cen-
sor one item which is something of a record for his offerings I can tell you,
over to you Dave:-


I arrived on site at about 9.45 am. Ne'then, have I to go up the track

with my new boggler (Mk 3 Cortina)? I'll have a go. 2nd gear. same box.
Vroom, vroorn. Straight up, no messing. Not bad but you can't beat 4x4
can you. I was greeted by a young lady. 'Hey Wazzack, do you want to
come to my divorce party'.'' This came from young Sue. whose surname es-
capes me. (Cos I don't know it). Any excuse tor a proverbial p*** up. 1
was informed later that Sue wanted male strippers (but BH2 was booked
up) and besides I don't think the kids would take it too well. I mean. can
you imagine young Master Dewhurst saying "Hey Dad, it's like yours but

Right, space wasting over. On this particular day I was riding with Ted
(V8) Hartley. All the usual nutters were present. Colin (1 can roll anywhere)
Birchall, Gareth, Carl. Paul and company. Kick off was a little late. Thanks
to the old problem - lack of sheriffs. Only 3 had signed on by 10 o'clock.
Anyway, off we went at 10.26 and 20 seconds precisely (watch out talking
clock). There were 10 sections, 6 in the am and 4 in the pm. The first sec-
tion we encountered was a bit naughty, catching a lot of Landies out at
stick 10. We, by the way, got a 9. By gum it wa cold. We watched a Landie
through the next section. To give you an idea how cold it was. the Landie
broke the ice on a puddle-cum-pond. and when we walked the section the
ice had frozen over again.  BRRR.   BRRR.

During the morning there were the usual moans and groans, like I'll
never get round that, and I bet they never drove this with a motor. HEY
Wazzack, look at that. GORDON BENNETT (Who's he?). This chap's mad.
A 'V reg. Rangey actually doing the sections. But by this time he had al-
ready suffered a blow to his wallet. His tow bar was now horizontal instead
of vertical. OK if you want to tow upright, inflatable caravans. If that
wasn't enough, Geoff suffered a puncture (whilst being towed out of a ditch,
I might add). You've got to give it to him. He's got guts (and much money)
to enter a nice Rangey in a fully fledged trial. (Was the medal worth it.
Geoff?). Nothing much else happened before bait time. Oh, only that Ted
was fed up with trialling attempts and had a go at ice dancing with a V8.
Mind you this was to prove useless as well.

Dinner came with cold feet, cold hands and frozen nuptuals (nuts).
It was a case of can 1 find it in time or have I to wet myself and let it
freeze. I jest not. Paul, Ted, Pete (Aga Daye) Baldwin and a couple of
others squatted in Carl's Rangey trying to keep warm. THEN IT STARTED.
The tales of woe. Where were we when and were you there when I etc. etc.
It was at this moment "Monomit Almond" decided to grace us with his
presence, with something on his head that I can only describe as looking
like a septic nipple. By eck the cold isn't half responsible for some 'orrible
sights. Mind you. I suppose it kept his ears warm. Bait and natter was

abruptly interrupted by Pete Wolfenden arriving on the scene (He is related
to Len - World Fl stocker champ). His lightweight was packed to the brim
with goodies i.e. wide wheels and big tyres. They drew quite a lot of interest.
Anyroad - back to the trial. 1.30 pm sharp, just like DD said. Just tour sec-
tions to do, which were to prove entertaining to say the least. Our first sec-
tion was to prove rather tricky, as David Hartley will vouch, 'cos he nearly
rolled. Mr. C & A by this time had done a back spring in, also he was having
titty (petrol) trouble. Ted and myself could not take anything seriously by
now (can I ever), especially as 1 spent most of the time trying to stay on
my two feet. There was one particular section that provided a lot of fun.
FUN. HA. We nearly rolled but Ted's expertise (CREEP. CREEP), saved us.
However, a certain person didn't have the same luck. He made the mistake
of taking Ted's advice. Good old Colin. He didn't let us down. His motor
rolled over and played dead. By gum! He's got that Eandie trained. It slid
on its side through the next set of sticks. Jammy sod only got a one. A
gang of us were about to right him when a voice from heaven said, "Hang
on, mind my stick". Good old Harry Haigh, always thinking of his equip-
ment. (His stick - think about it - Oh, never mind). Colin was OK and not
much damage done to his trusty steed. Meanwhile 1 was busy entertaining
the crowd, 'cos nipple head Almond decided to push me off the banking.
My God 1 felt a prat. Anyway in spite of the cold it was a good day. The
sun shone - I jest not. Oh, by the way, doesn't Dave Hoskin's V8 sound

Special thanks to Dicky Day, Jim and Chris Burgess, Keith Mellor,
Bill Dennis and last but not least Aubrey Oldham. Also I would like to
thank the sheriffs of which there were 17 by dinner time. Also the land
owner and thanks to you. the competitors, all 27 of you.


Well, on to the results. But first did I ever tell you that the last time
I entered here I got 89 penalties. Well tat ta. Al si the, and toodle pip.
Love and stuff, Wazzack. (David West).


MSA and ARC club members are welcome to come along and join our events. Phone Mark on 07866 506521 / 01282 703718



Pennine Land Rover Club, Pennine LRC