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Other Club's Events


Two men stood gazing into the darkness at a sight perhaps not to be
paralleled in the whole universe, neither uttering a sound as they marvel at
the green beast within they had come to this place lured by the exotic
fragrance of burnt oil soaked clutch, leaking 4 star fuel and dried Midland
mud, the wounds of war. It is a nightmare.

One man shrank as he knew the guilt of this pitiful sight laid firmly
upon him, a strange aching sadness came over him as he looks upon this
cosmic tragedy.

His eyes glisten as he tries to choke back the tears, but it is all too
much. "Oh God my baby, what have I done to you?" "It's OK Gareth"
said Wazzack reassuringly "It'll mend". As Wazz switched on the lights
the true magnitude of the damage became all too apparent. Such grotesque
damage. The beast however stood there defiantly, majestic to the last,
despite its innards being strewn across the garage floor. The gearbox lying
there with its life's fluid draining away and the fuel tank reminiscent of a
burst welly, and about as much use. "Oh" I sighed, "is it worth it?" "Oh
shut up slobbering" remarked Wazz, "let's get it fixed". You know some
folk just have no appreciation of the dramatic! The wife was no better
either, nag, nag, nag. "It's costing us a flaming fortune, if all you want is a
ruddy trophy then I'll buy you a gross, it's got to be cheaper. You know
you think more of that *"Ca?£&@' Land Rover than you do of me".
I quickly replied (it had to be quick to get a word in, her teeth never
stopped chattering and can't wait for her to go to sleep) "I think more of
a Diahatsu than I do of you", whilst ducking instinctively to avoid the caber
she'd tossed.

By 5-30 pm we had near enough finished. The gearbox and new clutch
were in, a new fuel tank fitted and seatbox and driver's seat bolted down.

It's surprising how quick you can finish a job when the wife is want-
ing to go out and keeps breathing down your neck like the Grim Reaper,
with remarks like "Your tea is cooling in the bin luv."                      ^

I retired early (1 am) after a delightful night out with Wazz (Dave
West) and his lovely wife Janet and that thing I wed. I rose early in order
to put the finishing touches to the Warrior and by 8-30 am all was finished
and I was ready to meet Pete Baldwin.

Just as I was leaving Colin Birchall came screaming round the corner
in one of his multitude of Leyland vehicles, this time his M.G. (makes you
sick don't it) babbling something about a water pump. When he got his
breath back he explained that he had fitted a new water pump on his Land
Rover the previous day but forgotten to fit a new gasket, he'd only realised
this morning when he'd come to pour some water in ...... Yes that's

what I thought, but Bill won't print it. You've got to admit though the lad has

got to be keen to dash aboutat that time of day, and before a do at that.

After fixing him up with some instant gasket goo, Ah' that rhymes do
goo, Oh! Please yourself! I set off to meet Peter. After being tailed for a
couple of miles by an over keen bluebottle in a jam butty motor for going
a bit quick (pity he'd now't better to do at 8-30 am on a Sunday morning)
(What did you use to do on a Sunday morning Gareth? Ed.) we eventually
arrived at Menston still, I hasten to add, with a clean ticket. The first
person I laid eyes on was Tricky Dicky (Nick Nick) Day which brought a
couple of things to mind, both unprintable.

The programme for the day was 8 Trial sections in the morning and
4 in the afternoon, with a 2 run hill climb to finish the day.

There was only one latecomer this time, yes you've guessed it ....
Colin (Rollover) Birchall who came tear arsing in pleading insanity and
speeling out a multitude of feeble excuses, begging and grovelling. You
know the style. The sight of a grown man crying really gets you deep down
in the guts, it must have worked 'cos he got to play.

Any one else who's got the same idea FORGET IT! Because Colin's
used up all this year's excuses, so there!!     Tee Hee.

It was as the event started and I approached my first section when I
realised it was going to be one of those days 'cos I had to be guided
between the 12 sticks with my large motor with but a few desithrags of
clearance at each side. After collecting more penalty points in the mornings
8 sections than I had done in 15 at the National (and that bugger was tight)
the bottom lip was beginning to show. I was a little heartened during the
break, when I found I wasn't the only one with a near classic test match
score. I was further elated to hear someone remark (no names mentioned,
but his initials are Keith Schofield) "What did you set it out with, a diff
locked Haflinger?" Heck it must have been tight for him to make comment,
'cos I'm sure his motor breathes in when it passes sticks, I thought to my-
self. In the afternoon I picked up a couple of clears, which no doubt
reassured the blokes that set it out, mine being a largish motor and all ...
Much to my amazement at the end of the day I picked up a pot for second
place in Class 3. Which only goes to prove the point.'Don't give up 'cos
owt can happen, even miracles!'

Now then, the hill climb was a different story altogether. There were two
classes, standard and non standard, each having two runs at the course
which was approx. 600 - 800 yards straight up the hill and those who
know Menston will realise what I mean. Just to add a little interest to the
event, a motor cycle scramble had been held a few weeks prior and had cut
up the ground something chronic, it left it looking like a ploughed field at
regular intervals up the hillside. In fact there was a lot more damage than
we have ever done at Menston!! However the course itself took on average

32 sec per run but it sure sorted out the motors with stiff suspension,
namely mine, and that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

If you can imagine how a cocktail feels after it's been shaken, well
that sums up how I felt at the end of it all. However like the rest of the
Masochists among us I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a welcome change.
Which hastens me to ask if any of you out there have any ideas for new
events, if so voice 'em and also if you have any land hidden away.

Finally I would like to thank all those who helped marshal and don't
be put off by the abusive nature of the drivers, that's just natural, it
affects us all when we ain't doing so good. Thanks to George Cooke,
Russell Robinson and Dicky Day, the organisers - I think. Seeing none of
them will admit to it.

Joking apart, one should not complain too readily, 'cos there's not
many folk willing to make the effort to set out an event. To those of you
who keep hiding behind the nearest tree or hillock when volunteers are
called for, you just think if nobody volunteered, there'd be no event, the
only way to get experience is to start helping. Right I've had my moan for
the day. I've been asked to pass on a special thanks to Dave Rae and his
hat, without whom the hillclimb could not have gone on. So that's it for
now folks. See you at the next do.

Love & Kisses

PS Thanks to Wazzack for his help in the rebuild!


MSA and ARC club members are welcome to come along and join our events. Phone Mark on 07866 506521 / 01282 703718



Pennine Land Rover Club, Pennine LRC